I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
