i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
