Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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