I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
