dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
