she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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