does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
