it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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