I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
