It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
