can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
