i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
