im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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