I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
