I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
