they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
