Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
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He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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