that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
