Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
