Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
