we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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