my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
