so explain again why im purple
no
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
