i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
