Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
