so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
