After last night, I could never be a politician.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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