I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
