I accidentally burped into my bong.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
