There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
