The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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