She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
