If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
someone owes me an orgasm
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
