im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
