apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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