i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
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