Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
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I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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