you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
