Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
