i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
