Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
