Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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