i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
