Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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