How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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