I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
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I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
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You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize