Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
