yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
