He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
