Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
