My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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