pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
