My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
