I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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