just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
