My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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