After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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