Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
