How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
