I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
