Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
