Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
