By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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