Who did Billy Mays play for?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
