she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
