man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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