You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
