She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
