you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
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