i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
