He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
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I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
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He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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