I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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