Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The Olympian is in my bed
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
