booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
accomplished twins. life is a go
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Drunk is not a location!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
