I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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