I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Your penis caused this!
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