i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
