she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
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Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
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I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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