Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
