she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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