Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
