Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
